Do you know what it's like to have no barriers?
I was at the climbing gym today, in between climbs I was sitting on the floor stretching and this 6 year old boy who was there for a birthday party comes over to me and squats down so he can look into my face and with the most genuine concern says to me "What happened?!" ...I could see it looking like there was something really wrong as I was not sitting in any normal position, it could look like at was crumpled up on the ground and had gotten hurt. I laughed and told him I was just stretching. And he said "Oh Ok!" with big grin and then bounced off to be with his friends. It really struck me the level of vulnerability, kindness, and presence that this kid had. He didn't have any barriers, and there was really no judgment in his world about coming up to me, a total stranger, to be sure I was ok. He was so totally willing to be himself. It's a rare thing to see in kids and especially adults. We are taught to keep our distance. Most of us have barriers of one kind or another... by this I mean most of us are protecting ourselves in one way or another... mostly it's just from the judgments we expect to get from the world around us and are trying to avoid. Which means we already have those judgments of ourselves and are expecting the world to confirm what we were already judging about ourselves, and are defending against at the same time.) And in this we stop being ourselves. There is an energy that gets created in this, it's a retraction, and a wall and most people walk around with that all the time, not realizing that they are doing it, or knowing how to change it... AND not realizing how much of the rest of the world they are shutting out. This kid melted me. And it made me wonder what the world would be like if we would all let down our barriers and be that much presence as ourselves, that much kindness to each other without a second thought. It would be a different planet!
RElationship: Distraction or Creation?
Have you ever noticed that some people have really fun, nurturing, relationships and other people just seem to have lots of trauma, drama and problems with their relationships? While it is true that relationship can be done in a creative way that contributes to both people, it is also true that relationship can be done in a way that contracts, limits and does not allow them the freedom to be themselves.
The contracted, limited, version of this often occurs when people function from the "distractor implant of relationship".
Distractor implants are a term coined by Access Consciousness® to describe a certain set of energies that tend to have us stopped dead in our tracks, feeling stuck and helpless. There are several of them... Fear, doubt, anger, guilt -to name a few.
Distractor implants are designed to distract you from your power, potency and your awareness. They are designed to get you to be less than you actually are. They obsessively, compulsively hook your attention so you do not include any other possibilities and they make you think there are things you can not handle.
So how does this work with relationship?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you decided this person is "the one". When you come to a decision or conclusion you shut off your awareness. In this case, you will only see the things that you want to see, and not the things that don't work for you. Or you will see the things that don't work for you and try to make them meaningless, when they actually aren't meaningless at all and will come back to bite you in the butt in the long run.
Once you have the relationship that you have decide is the right, good, perfect, and correct one... you begin to give up pieces parts of you in order to maintain it, as though the relationship is more valuable than you are.
Have you ever found you gave up doing something you liked to do or be because the other person didn't like it... or you thought they didn't like it? Have you given up friends or creating the rest of your life in order to put all your attention on growing this perfect happily ever after relationship? That's what I'm talking about!
Have you ever thought that if you found the right relationship for you, then you would be complete? Or if you found the person who was kind and nurturing to you then you could heal?... Does any of that empower you, or does it put the responsibility for you being happy in the other person's hands? It becomes a co-dependent thing when the other person needs you to need them so they can feel valuable (or for any other reason), and then there you are tied together by the things you think you will get from the other person. When the reality of it is that these are things only you can give you! You need them. They need you, and there you are stuck together -AND both a diminished version of yourselves....(Oops!)
What if you didn't actually need anyone to complete you? What if you didn't require someone be kind and nurturing to you, so you could heal? If you saw the value that you are, would you need someone else to value you in order to know that you are valuable? NO!
What if you didn't have to look for someone who is kinder to you than you are? ...When you are kind, caring, nurturing, happy, and fulfilled just being you, you will find that you will create those kinds of relationships that add to your life.
More importantly you wouldn't settle for anything less!
by Julie Merwin
Founder and Creator of Infinite Alchemy, Personal Empowerment Coach, Change Agent, Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator, and Body Process Facilitator