I almost didn’t ask this question because of an expectation.... expectation is like the low calorie version of judgment. "Judgment light" if you will, and judgment none the less. And I almost let it stop me! ... A great example of how judgment creates limitation.
I have a new tool I have been playing with to get myself out of my own comfort zone and opening up to greater receiving. It’s a couple of things actually….
Ask for something you think you’ll get a “no” on…
This one was suggested by a facilitator at a recent Access Right Voice for You class (A class that is as much about using your voice, as it is about how you show up in the world.) As a practice of receiving judgment (Receiving judgment meaning: aware of it, but not effected by it.) and as a demonstration of how if we often pre-decide the answer is "no" before even asking a question, and how we then shut off everything we could receive.
The people who tried it at the class came back with interesting stories: One went up to someone who was listening to music on the street, and asked if they could listen in with them. Surprisingly, they got a yes and it opened up a whole new connection, dancing in the street, and learning about new music.
Another person went up to someone eating at a restaurant and asked if they could nab a few fries off their plate, just for a taste! Again permission granted. What was interesting about this scenario was that after chatting for a little while, the person who had asked for the fries offered to buy the other a drink, and was turned down…. How often are we willing to give, but not to receive? What if receiving were just as valuable and a gift in itself, not just to the one receiving it, but to the one gifting a well.
(Ever give someone a compliment that wasn't received? ...How did that feel?)
The other piece...
Do something uncomfortable every day. Do something that you have decided you can’t or won’t do. Do the thing you keep saying you'd like to do but keep stopping yourself. Get out of your comfort zone.
I recently watched a documentary called “Free Solo” about a guy who free soloed El Capitan in Yosemite (meaning climbed with out any ropes or gear to protect from a fall- 3200 ft. of technical granite climbing- and yes he succeeded.) It dawned on me that none of my “uncomfortable choices” had dire consequences. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I’m certainly not going to fall to my death if something doesn’t go as planned.... Although sometimes I build things up in mind to the point that it feels that way! And perhaps it could open up some new possibilities that I have been completely refusing. Really, it can put things in perspective when you think about it like that!
So one day I was in the yoga studio and I asked one of my students and past bars class participant if she knew anyone who might be interested in a bars class. I had hesitated, simply because I thought she wasn’t really interested in anything Access Consciousness anymore, and I don’t want to be pushy.
I was blown away with the response that I got! No, she didn’t know of anyone right that moment, but she continued on to tell me that she runs bars for her hospice clients, fellow nurses, family and friends. The changes she had been getting were amazing… From diffusing panic attacks, to a sense of allowance, and peace with dying for hospice patients and their families, to running bars for her son. Her son had been very skeptical, but finally gave in and tried it when he was having a lot of stress and anxiety due to school. Things got so much better that, now he brings his friends home from college to her to get sessions too!
This really made my day! First, it really brought to the forefront and reminded me THIS is why I do this work!… Because I know these things are possible, and more! And I had no idea that she was actually using what she had learned in class. I had no idea that she was contributing to so much change in people's worlds! WOW.
A little secret about me: When it seems that all I have been working for isn't being received as well as I wish it was, I sometimes let it get to me. I start feeling defeated, and thinking maybe I should quit. What I say seems to fall on deaf ears a lot. I start to think that I’m failing. I tend to devalue myself and what I have to offer when others can't seem to see it. (Silly I know, but one of the rabbit holes I visit often.)- And I say this, not so you can go, "Oh, poor you!" but because I know I am not the only one who occasionally goes down the rabbit hole of self defeat when few can acknowledge a possibility you see. Because no one else can see it, or value that possibility doesn't mean it isn't valuable and something the world requires to have in it.... Keep on, keeping on the world needs you too!
So to hear this story was such a HUGE contribution to me, and I hope to you too. It makes me want to keep going! I'm SO grateful... And to think I almost didn’t ask the question for fear of annoying someone! I would have missed out had I not been willing to be just a little uncomfortable.
What projections, expectations, separations, judgments and rejections are you using to refuse the receiving you could be choosing?.... would you be willing to give that up now please? :-)
by Julie Merwin
Founder and Creator of Infinite Alchemy, Personal Empowerment Coach, Change Agent, Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator, and Body Process Facilitator